// ♥ Xuan =) .

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

♥

为何真心的对待，换来的是如此狼狈的结果？
人类是否都是如此自私，如此犯贱，如此可恶？

当真心被漠视，
当好意变成笑话，
当自己变成笑柄，
当冷酷无情才能符合，
当自己开始质疑镜子里的自我，
当一切都似乎不切实际，不稳固，不踏实时，我还是不是我？

近来，我被身旁的周遭搞糊涂了。
我是否应该听从他人给予的劝告？
“你不要对别人太好，他们只会视顾一切为理所当然，并忽视你的好。
这样很吃亏，得不偿失啊！”
我感到十分矛盾。
小时候，公民课并非这样教导我的。。。
难道不完美才是现今社会的完美？
以前，恐怕我不敢苟同。但如今。。。
一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳。　
我怕了，累了。
随着岁月的流失，我似乎也渐渐地丧失天真纯朴的自我。。。
曾经听过某人这么说道：
“日子滴在时间的岁月里，青春的生命现以逐渐远去，
立足人生奋斗的同时，别让一去不复返的岁月刻画了自己。
生活忙碌之余，别忘了疼爱自己。 ”

心中充满了问号与质疑。
可能这就是人生，时时需要自我检讨，自我探索，无奇不有。
我想我必须保持积极的态度。
我不能让周遭的事物影响我的思路，判断能力，待人处世的态度。

－深思－

Smile =)
1:56 PM

Monday, October 05, 2009

♥

I need to move forward.
I need to be practical.
I need to forget about some stuff.
I need to forget about some people.
I need to learn to let go.
I need to stop caring about some people.
I need to be more selfish.
I need to love myself more!

I think...

I got to...

Smile =)
2:59 PM

♥

"Selfish! coward!

I hate you so!

you can find so my excuses to cover for your own action, not to love.

Sorry..."

I never fail to feel guilty (but not regret..not too much..)..

What's the use of feeling guilty?

hmm..many told me that, I think too much...

maybe..

Worst still, I lied.

I only manage to face one person and tell that person I lied.

And the person is not me.

I cant even face myself.

I recall looking away when I tell her.

I know, that are many times when I really cant face myself.

Simply don't know how to..

Another night of insomnia...

Smile =)
9:08 AM

Sunday, October 04, 2009

♥

It's an awesome day!
Finish marking my books, finish exam, no tuition, no email to reply... =)
yeah! finally able to sleep well, have lunch, listen music. =)
So happy! Simple and contented..
A bit of shopping will be even better! =)

Too bad, buddies not around with me.
2 in KL and 1 in Thailand. =(
My 2 part time bf also dun wan me le. =(
Sianx...

Anyway, lately had been bomb with many "red bomb"..
Every week at least 2 bday parties, and almost every month 1 wedding or full-month celebration.
haha..happy news but pocket very tight. =p

Last nite, moon-cake festival..
At 11.41pm, the moon ought to be the brightest for this whole century.
haha, but Mr cloudy shadow it.. =s
Still, I had a good nite spent with my =).
Just chatting, slacking, sharing...The time spent, I cherish.

Smile =)
2:08 PM

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

♥

Gosh, been so long since I blog about anything.
So many things happened.
Hmm..I'm going through great transition in my life..
Enjoying and enduring it.
Guess there is definitely a need to learn how to embrace life.

Currently, studying part time diploma in Kaplan
Teaching Chinese in a primary school.
Giving tuition to 3 kids.
And Zoukie.
Having my YEP Project Ownage on hand.
St John.
A marathon project.

Hectic indeed. Constantly trying hard to have a good time management.
Missing out lotsa social gathering and functions.
Maybe I need to go for a break soon.
Seems like I'm progressing aimlessly.
I miss many of my friends.
Even my beloved buddies.
I miss my relatives, my granny, godma, cousins, nieces... =(

Despite all, I'm glad that someone came along.
I don't know where it will lead me to, still trying, but I'm not letting go...
Not anytime soon.

How amazing, some things will never be the same again.
Learning to let go and give myself enough space.
I must learn to love myself more. =)

Smile =)
9:41 AM

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

♥

我很累，深信，明白不只我一人。
很想封闭自己，却没这股力量。
越来越没信心。
表面上能逞强，内心却非常无奈。

原来失落也需要勇气。

Smile =)
12:59 AM

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

♥

I have not been updating my blog for long.
I dont think anyone reading it anyway.

Come to realise, as one become older, alot of things are better not known nor said.

Moved on, new phrase, new people...
I'm still holding on the past memories in my heart.
Just memories, nothing more.
Thanks babes and dudes...

I want a fresh start. A good one..
Hopefully I can earn it right.
Many opportunities missed...
Nevertheless, by luck I earn a happy June.
Hope there's many more =) days to come..

Starting all over again..

Smile =)
3:06 PM

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

♥

so many things happened/happening.
so many mixed feelings.
so many many..

after so many many, there is only one in my mind.
Dont go please.

Smile =)
3:41 PM

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

♥

喜欢-古巨基

喜欢你的头发
喜欢你的脸颊
喜欢你微笑的时候眼里藏不住的光

喜欢你的害羞
喜欢你的疯狂
想要一天二十四个小时守在你身旁

喜欢开你玩笑
喜欢叫你傻瓜
喜欢吓你一跳的时候看你慌张的模样
喜欢搭你肩膀
喜欢你会怕痒
喜欢趁你没有防备偷袭你的手指甲

想要抱你一下贴紧我的胸膛
想要告诉你这样下去不是办法
想要把你绑架想要带你回家
想要非常认真严肃的承诺地老天荒

思念你令我惊慌想到你令我膨胀
你的每个笑容都会令我幸福的快爆炸
见你的时候我总是说些傻呼呼的蠢话
令我随时随地濒临疯狂

This song makes Xuan happy... =))

Smile =)
6:22 AM

♥

I am bored.
I am tired.
I need a break.
I wanna go for a short trip.
I need a new surrounding..
I want a break through..

I am lazy. =(

Smile =)
6:16 AM

♥

To WQ, C, Y:

Dear WQ,
Do take care of yourself, I am really worry for you.
On the other hand, I am really happy that you are having lotsa fun & enjoying yourself.
I feel happy and worried.
I miss you.
I dunnoe what to say...
I hate nagging yet I keep nagging you..
Whatever it is, 4 more months.. just be safe.
I want you back, healthy and happy!
and you really make me feel old.
~argh

Dear C,
You are really nice to me. =)
And I am really very glad to have you.
You make me smile.
Thanks for the hugs and kisses..
Thank you. =)
I promise, I will be good to you.

Dear Y,
I really hope to see you again.

Smile =)
5:54 AM

♥

我们都长大了。。

我们有不一样的理想，不一样的目标。
我们都渐渐明白人生无常，人生道路必定起伏不定。
我们都知道幸福要靠自己争取。

我们知道的越多，怎么却做的越少？
我们明白了解，怎么却执着哭泣得越多？

我不知道，不明白，不了解。
我不想长大。。

~Pre 21-to-be blue =(

Smile =)
5:39 AM

♥

Sometimes I made the wrong decision.
I am really sorry that I am not considerate enough, and that I am nicer to outsider.
But trust me. I love my family, alot.
I might not show it, sometimes my action show otherwise, but family really matters alot to me.
Near a week back, I failed my part and disappointed my family again.
I'm sorry, I am not a good sis nor a good daughter..
In additional, I even threw an unreasonable temper.

Not that I am not guilty or know how you guys feel towards me.
I know it is of no use to give reason or excuse..
Just wanna say, I am sorry. =(
And yes, I am truely guilty and ashame of myself.

Smile =)
5:09 AM

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

♥

我不想忘记你郭静
我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

大海-张雨生
从那遥远海边慢慢消失的你
本来模糊的脸竟然渐渐清晰
想要说些什麽又不知从何说起
只有把它放在心底

茫然走在海边看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把每朵浪花记清
想要说声爱你却被吹散在风里
猛然回头你在那里

如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远
如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤
所有流过的泪
我的爱
请全部带走

certain things are better left unsaid？
When words fail, music speaks..

Smile =)
7:08 AM

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

♥

My cute tuition kids =)

#1:
Me: Do this page of exercise in 10 mins.
Darren: Teacher, can I use calculator? Please, Please! (whine)
Me: No! No bargain.. ( firmly)
-----a while later------
Darren: Teacher, you go church?
Me: No, why?
Darren: Why you so evil?
(Me shock for a moment...haha, den get wat he trying to say... I'm evil cos no calculator..haha, and he goes one round to shoot me...)
Me: Cos I never go church.. You?
Darren: Ya, I go every Sunday..
Me: I'm nice..
Darren: why?
Me: cos starting from this week you will get to enjoy heaven in the morning and hell from me in the evening. tuition on sunday will be 3 hours...
Darren: HUH?!!!
Me: ~evil grin ~

#2:
Giving Michael chinese 听写
Me：花猫
Mich mumble to himself, "hmm, flower cat.."
I giggled..
Me: you know what 花猫means?
Mich: hmm, dunnoe...
Me: Guess?
Mich: erm, flower= beautiful so beautiful cat?
me: hmm... nope... it's opposite, it means dirty cat. a desciption for.........

-------------few hours later--------------------

Met up with my buddies, sharing with them how my kids make my day...so cute..
Me: Joyce, you know what is 花猫?
Joyce: ya, draw cat (画猫)..
Tiffy (laughed out loud): no, not draw cat is "hua mao"!
Joyce: flower cat?
Tiffy (laughed again): ya...what it means?
Joyce: someone who is spendthrift?
Me and Tiffy blurred...then, haha...
Joyce: Aiya, never heard before leh, what level?
Tiffy: Pri 2..you more jalat...
me: haha...

I'm not evil or mean, I laugh/smile with respect...
Muahahahah!!! =p

Smile =)
3:34 AM

♥

Had been damn sick for the past 5 days..
I guess I need to get stronger, physically and mentally..
I cannot whine and rely on anyone to take care of me, I need to learn to take care of myself..
I cannot complain, cannot anyhow throw temper..

Certain things once gone will never be back.
Always be kind to others, you might not have the chance by the time you feel like doing so.

I felt most vulunerable when I'm sick.
I wont fight back when my dad nags at me, I will mumble to myself, I will whine in my sleep and dream, I feel like a kid, I'm not stubborn, only then, my dad can talk to me... My mum will pay more attention to me, my sis and bro will care more for me... only then, I feel closer with my family..only then, I feel child-like innocent within happiness...i guess secretly I want this attention from them, which is kinda pathetic...
I secretly like this whiny side of me, then I have an excuse not to act tough and strong up front.
I'm a girl after all...
A whiny little girl...

Nonetheless, I'm 21 to-be.. Time to face up with the supposedly maturity..
Whiner is a weakling..

Xuan dun wanna be a whining weakling..
haha, but it's hard for me not to whine..lolx!
Maybe, I'll be a tough whiner...lolx..

Smile =)
3:07 AM

Monday, April 20, 2009

♥

I wanna start school soon... =(
I'm tired of being a bum.
Speaking of soon, it will only be next year. =(
-argh..

I miss school life..
Especially when Mui mui called me.
And how Charmaine told me bout her school..
haix...

Smile =)
1:56 PM

♥

Fall sick, =(
subconsciously missing alot of people...
image of some random people constantly pop up, weird dreams and scene...
I remember how I have different people who came and take care of me in the past..
Thasnim, Meifeng, Jonathan.. =) Wei qi, when I'm admitted to hospital in Thailand.
I'm missing them, how they used to take care of me...

Somehow I feel most lonely when I'm sick..
I guess, i need attention..lolx...

When I'm really sick, I can really knock out easily...
and the realm of subconscious mind is amazing..
I feel, see things/people/scene which I tries to avoid..
In that realm, I'm force to face up to all..
I remember crying hard, calling for help, helpless, desperate, alot mix feelings..
I remember I'm in some weird costume, weird language, weird setting...
I wonder if I enter into my past life, if it exist..
Amazing but scary shit...

I wanna be well..
I dont like to be sick. =(
Cos right now, I got no one to whine to.. ='(

Smile =)
1:27 PM

♥

Had my worst hangover, Dbl O kills...
Learnt my lesson..
Did a lot of weird things, was wild, happy, vent out..
The aftermath is terrible!
Anyway, thanks all who standby me..
lolx...

P.s=I'm not going disgrace myself again!
haha..-cross.fingers- =p

Smile =)
12:52 PM

♥

I am 48kg now.. =s
will try harder next week..
this week damn sick.. =(

Smile =)
12:51 PM

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

♥

I'm gonna put on more weight to please my granny and mum..
target: by end of this week 50-52 kg!

lolx...they say fatter prettier..
haha...i laugh like mad..

Smile =)
1:49 PM

♥

I love morning clouds.. =)
It's so pretty...

Smile =)
8:44 AM

♥

Feeling very weird..
I think i don't wanna be serious with anyone/anything anymore..

I just wanna be alone...

I sick and tired of feeling insecure, disappointed, losing hope and affecting my self-esteem...
It's unfair, I 'm sorry..
I dun even know what I'm doing...

I have decided not to cut my hair...
I'm gonna grow it long...
And shave it in July...
lolx...maybe...if i'm brave enough to do it again..

Smile =)
8:25 AM

Monday, April 13, 2009

♥

Aunty J was mum's long best friend.
Both me and her son was pri school classmate.
After we shifted away from Tampines, mum and her still keep close in contact.
During JC times, her son and my cousin were classmate..
Few years back, she helped out my mum at the stall for weekends and during special occasions.
She is nice and helped my mum in alot of ways, as a friend or as an employee.
My mum appreciate her and am grateful to her.

Last year, my mum got a new helper,MQ, in stall.
I would say MQ is so far the best helper in the stall, after so many years of helpers come and go.
I thought life would be easier for mum now as both aunty J and MQ are very capable..
However, Aunty J cant clique with MQ. She dont like her, I guess she felt threaten by her present. And things turn bad after some time..
There are people who gossips here and there, spreading rumor and causing unnecessary tension between Aunty J and MQ, Aunty J and mum...
Ugly side of Aunty J start to reveal, she lies and excuse herself from work during occasions when mum needs her.
This year, she never help out in the making of new year goodies, mum suspect her doing it ouside and selling to her customers.
Mum is rite, her supplier inform that Aunty J actually tried to use her account to purchase goods at lower price with the supplier.
Nevertheless, mum pretend not known and bear with Aunty J.
After new year, Aunty J initiate her resignation. Mum tries to make her stay, she replied,"Later other people say I cant survive without you." Mum is fed up, so she let her go..

Yesterday, Mum told me Aunty J is working for the other vegetarian stall at our market and customers start questioning why, as mum and dad try to protect her by saying she got work else where after she resign.
But now she is back, working for our rival..
Mum is upset. She dont understand why Aunty J wanna do that to us, and now they can no longer be friends..
Poor mum, she is quite an introvert and dont have much friends..
Her time mostly spend slogging at the stall..
I would say she is naive towards Aunty J, she just refuse to believe the truth...

Aunty J
I guess we fails to assure her how much we appreciate her, and perhaps disappoint her in some occasions.
I rarely helped out in stall, so I dont know what's going on much..
But I guess she feels threaten when mum hired another capable helper, she fear that she might overtake her hence give MQ a hard time at work.
When one is making trouble for others, they will return in the same favour.
Hence the troubles go on, work become a chore, unpleasant.
In addition, there are rivals out there trying to sow discord.
(Market is a complicated place)
And she just blinding believe and fall in their trap.
Doing things which caused the situation to turn so bad.
I dunnoe if this act is betrayal, but it is obivous that it is out to revenge and a rebellious act.
She could have work else where, of all place why the same market?
The point is, she stays in Tampines. Come all the way to Hougang to spite mum?
I think that is stupid, her transport fees and time to travel dont make sense.
(Mum used to pay cab for her to come)
maybe higher pay? i dunnoe...
but i think as a friend she shouldnt be working there, and maybe ethically it is not right..
well...I know she dont think it that way, moreover what is ethical?
it is sad that all that was build over years, friendship with mum, respect from us, just fall.
Maybe not in her perspective but in mine. i feel sad that i lost respect for this person.
In my scoring system, 100 minus away means hard to add back..
Poor thing for her too, that stall is well known for changing worker..
God bless her..

Adults..sometime they are just too ego..
What's ego?
We are not born with it, yet many just indulge in it.
And this thing kills at times...
haix...-shake.head-

Friends for decades...Aunty J betrayed mum...
I start questioning myself...
Will my buddies and other friends betray me?
How strong can our friendship last?
In few years time, I will have quite a number of "decade old" friends..
well, hope our friendship can withstand the test in many years to come. =)
And to my buddies, I have faith in us. =)
Though things might change, we might not be as close but you guys wont betray me.
(i guess...) =p
-close fingers- muahahahahaha..!!!

Smile =)
1:50 PM

♥

Funny dreams/conversation:
Part 1
Joyce: I had a nightmare last nite..
Me: what nitemare?
Joyce: me and someone else killed your siblings...
Me: maybe that someone else is me..
Joyce: no, cos me and that someone is sort of doing you a favour...
Me: haha...

Part 2
Joyce: and i dreamt of W coming back..
Me: haha, izzit?
Joyce: then you are like saying " yeah, we can be tgt again.." den W rolled eyes.
Me: Den you should have help me kill W in your dreams...
Joyce: AHAHAHAHA...Wa...evillllllllllll
Me: haha..

haha...I just find this funny...so random..
These few days I have been having dreams, dreamt of ex-=)...
man, i dun like sleeping...

Smile =)
1:35 PM

Sunday, April 12, 2009

♥

I detest desperate guys/girls making use of alcohol to hanky panky, and stupid girls who dunnoe how to reject or protect themselves, worse still girls who are cheap enough to let the guys do what they want...
can only ignore.,yes, i will ignore..
too many to be bothered anyway..
i should close my eyes and wash my hands off, from today onwards...
-argh-

I love after work outing, though it can be tiring.. =)
Got to know more about each and individual each time we go out...
=) Thanks Menghua!
OMG, he is such an interesting guy! =)
I love magic, stars, kayat, nature...=) get to know another IT brillant. =)
Cool "ka ki"..I love ya, bro...so enjoyable... =)))
more outing pls.. =)))
Thanks for the extra miles.. =)

Happy 1st month to Jenelle! =)
My third niece.. =)
fourth coming soon..
hehe...
-loved-

Smile =)
2:00 PM

Saturday, April 11, 2009

♥

Party, celebration, drink, cigarette, scandal, drama never fail to go hand in hand..
I used to abominate this whole idea..but over time, i just embrace and accept this..
I'm sort of immune to it, though still sick of all these..
I'm not trying to be mean but I secretly enjoy observing all of it..
It's kinda interesting..haha..
new experience and lesson learnt each time, though some are same old story..

I guess it's a matter of respect.
Respect for one and others for all occasions..

I was told, it's very easy to see the true side of one once he/her gets drunk..
I beg a differ, I think it's only true to a certain extent..
Instead, I see more hypocrite..
I dont like to make friend during such sessions..They are not sober to start with..
Such sessions are more of, starting topics, random chit chatting..
Most often, alcohol is the main culprit/scapegoat.
Culprit, as it makes hinder one from thinking right and create trouble.
Scapegoat, as people make use of it to vent out/ease their needs..
It's interesting how one abuse others trust and use alcohol as the shield to push away responsibililty for their own action and speech..not once nor twice..
I cant deny, I drink both for pleasure and to release myself...
Not often though..haha..
haha...and it's interesting to see all the weird habits/behaviour each time one is drank.
Me and Hakim: go around hugging and kissing..
Tiffy: lie in the middle of the road
wini: quiet melion
Joyce: Ah, nabei I not drunk lor..haha..
Liteng: I'm not drunk! hehehe!
Dominic: I'm alrite -puke- I never puke i just spite..-ZZzzZZ-
Lorinna: I Steady lah, drink...
Jiexin: CHEE BYE LAH I'm okie lor...haha..
Vic: come, touch my ass...harder...
Meifeng: I'm okay! dont touch me...
Gough: Come come, "da"!
Wen Jie: Steady la! you drink i drink, u know i wont force you, i, ..........(chant)
too many to be mentioned....haha...cute la...
Friends are easily made during this kind of occasion..haha..
Alcohol..alcoholic.. =)

Public enemies:
Everywhere I go, school, work place, organisation, event, there will always be one public enemy.
Someone whom everyone detest..
Someone whom everyone choose to gossip about..
I dont know how all these come about, sometime I wonder why..
In fact,I sympathise them.
Not trying to be noble, not as if I never detest the "p.e" acts, just that I will do my best not to add in anything that might contribute to their "black record list"..
I guess more or less they share the same reason why people dont like them, their EQ..
They dont know what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to, most often at the wrong place and wrong time.
It's kinda sad as I think they dont mean it and most of the time they have no motive(evil kind), they just want some attention and love..just the wrong way they express..
and EQ is something that cant be helped..
Over years I guess they had been experiencing the same shit of being outcast, and right now all they can do is to choose to be ignorant about it, pretending their status "p.e" never exist..
I feel so sorry for that..As a friend I will try to tell them ways which might help them to shorten their "black list'', but old habits die hard..
I will continue befriend them not out of sympathy, but respect and sincerity..
Just don't abuse my trust and love as a friend.

Everyone deserve the right to love and be loved... =)
in my own opinion..=p

Smile =)
7:50 AM

♥

I feel so happy for Jonny & Joanna (J&J)...the sweetest couple who even spread their love(subconsciously) to me.
P.s= I never felt so happy for any couple before, and when things go wrong I felt so heartpain.

Xinlin & uncle Raymond too, though I dont know Uncle R personally but smile and love dont lie..
P.s= Xinlin dearie! I love you smile la..haha

Li mei & reni's bicker of love..
P.s= Reni, you ought to stop biting your love at obvious places like neck..

Joycie and Rong An's understanding of love..I see how Joyce put in her heart.. =)
P.s= Joycie, your mushy blog entries give me goosebumps..=p lolx.. keep it going for him though.

I feel sad for another pair J&J..-shake.head-
Hopefully certain things are not true..
K and A,haix..
gals are kinda sad case...
Flings, flirts, scandal... haix...

Seeing loving couples/loved couples make my day. =)
They make Xuan feel loved too.. =)
Love spread and bring joy around.. =))))

Love brings smile to Xuan...
Friendship brings smile to Xuan too.. =))

I've smiling for friends, i guess love remove that smile of mine since 14 Feb..
ironically it's supposed to be V day. well...but what's Vday anyway...

Smile =)
6:55 AM

♥

hmm... i'm told, there is no reason to be totally honest..
I dunnoe if that's the best way..
No reason to be totally honest to myself and my feelings, if it's for the better...

I'm in the stage where I no longer know how I'm suppose to feel when I see you online for MSN;
how am I suppose to feel when I see your newly updates for facebook and pictures;
what I'm suppose to talk to you about;
how am I suppose to response to what you say;
am I suppose to keep the conversation going or end it;
how am I suppose to feel when the conversation ended;
how am I suppose to feel when you treat me hot and cold;
how am I suppose to feel when I hug or kiss someone else ;
how am I suppose to react when some parts of you still linger;
what am I suppose to do when I start missing you and us;
how am I suppose to react/feel when I dreamt of you;
what am I suppose to do as your fren now;
what kind of friends are we?
what's it like in the future?
this period I think I'm getting motional and emotionally retarded...

I'm coping better now...
it's all over..
instill in my very being...
time and distance best remedies?

If i get another selective memory lost maybe I'll be happier...
emotionally retarded is good too...

Smile =)
5:20 AM

Thursday, April 09, 2009

♥

Many people love to tease me and question how I will be like, if I am to eat meat/not vegetarian..
One common comment is, "Chicken wing so nice, you cant eat, so wasted.."
well, to satisfy some of your curiosity, this is what it might be like..

Is that the Xuan you wanna see?
Btw, this pic was taken long ago..

Someone close to me told me, "Xuan, I think you change alot over the years.."
Indeed..I gotta admit for the better and worse in different aspects..
Some love ones are very disappointed with me and I know..
They dont know me, they blame me for not letting them into my world and thoughts..
I was disappointed that they see me as some other "kind of people/bad/rebellious kid".
I wont try to change the way they see me, after all it does not concern me how they wanna regard me as..At least for now I dare to declare that I'm not bothered bout it.
Sorry if I disappoint my love ones, namely family and relatives..

All I wanted to say is, I live my life.
I will be responsible for what I've done.
I'm not saying that I'm not sorry for letting you guys down, nor denying my "wrong" acts.
"wrong", is a matter of prospective.
If (take-for-fun) pictures, rumors can make you doubt my character, I have nothing to say nor will I do anything to clarify.

Someone told me, "For anyone/anything, there is many side where you can choose to look at it."
Indeed..
I'm learning too, to look and analysis things/people from as many different view as possible, to avoid being judgmental or too opinionated..

I thank people who befriend/love me for who I am..
Appreciate..

P.S= I did not eat nor taste that chicken wing, it's the angle where the camera was position when the picture was snap...

It's at which angle where you wanna look at Xuan to determine who I am.

Anyway, dont bother guessing what incident nor who am I referring to for this entry..
It's just a random post from someone who is suffering from insomnia... =(

Smile =)
8:59 AM

♥

I had lotsa joy at work.. =) Weird customers, nice customers, interesting colleagues... learn something everyday. =)

7 tuition kids now.. getting bit stress, but i guess the pay and experience made it all worthwhile. =)

Changing outlet/resigning Starbucks soon..

Enjoy cycling with Pearlyn, ECP.
WOO~~

Went to Godma's place on Monday night, specially reserved that day till Tuesday evening to spend some time with my nieces.. =)) Eat good food, slack max, play with them, chat with my cousins and godma. =) enjoy to the max. =)

Had dinner and played pool with my 3 regular buddies, Ash, Zenn, my 2 pt-bf (Jon & Mic), Joanna, Suria and Rong An. Great outing! haha..but the circle getting bigger sia.. Rojak mix..=p

Random:

It's not a normal rainbow.
It's a rainbow that connects me to mf.. =)
Babe, you dunnoe how happy I was..

This is a weird fruit to me... with claw..lolx!

I saw this, I laughed, I sighed, I walked away...

Life's good. =)

Smile =)
7:51 AM

Monday, April 06, 2009

♥

I love Zoukies! =)
Bartender, floor staff, cashier.. =)

-Xinlin, the outmost abusive wo-man yet someone who never fails to shower me with her suffocating hugs (abusive,lolx!). =)

-Li Mei, someone who nags at me the most but also the one who teaches me and brings me back to
reality most of the time. =)

-Joanna Ong, the big sister of mine, though you always scold-nag-attitude me, but I know you love me only that you express your love differently. haha. =)

-Dominic aka Xiao Ming, my gentle-no-temper brother (only bit cuix when drunk, lolx). =)

-Charmaine, my love and dearest, heart felt no more explaination needed. =)

-Pearlyn, my brother cum sister, someone who don't talk much but my steady cycling buddy. =)

-Gary, my bike bro, so soft yet so man.. =)

-Menghua, brother who protects me by drinking with monster Wenjie, though end up kanan knock out but still appreciate that. =)

-kai, sunshine brother, someone who never fails to smile. =)

-Cheryl, the "ok lor" sister =)

-Lorinna, the baileys cum "steady la" sister =)

-Serena, haha..interesting.. =)

-Adrain, the pretty boy cum ''sui la " brother... =)

-Jonathan, the sweet talker brother.. =)

-Michelle, the pretty teacher-to-be babe.. =)

-Jing jing and Jonathan, sweet couple..

-Jin tong, nice captain who dance gay-ish-ly yet with charm..lolx =)

-Kelvin Chew, Mr doramon who is so cute whenever he smile at food..

-Eric tay, my lao ba, never fails to entertain me with his movement and speech..! =)

-kailing, my young sis cum chocolate supplier.. =))

-zee, my CL (casual lover) muahahaha...=)

-Jac, the cool cool drinker bud..

-barley, the cute smiley bung.. =)

-Ash, hmm...brother cum sister.. =)

-yong chun, cool hair bro..

-Sophia, lian lian but sweet sister.. =)

-Joyce, my dearest buddy at work! =)))))

hmm...might left out some.. but...
i love Zoukies.. =)))
Thanks, you guys make my day at work... =)

Smile =)
4:03 AM

♥

When you left I lost a part of me..

Moving on..
thanks C.H.. =)

Smile =)
4:00 AM

Saturday, April 04, 2009

♥

C.H, thanks.. =)
Never feel so loved for a long time..
thanks for being so sweet and nice.. =)

-love-

Smile =)
2:41 PM

Friday, April 03, 2009

♥

浪人情歌 -伍佰

不要再想你，不要再爱你
让时间悄悄的飞逝，抹去我俩的回忆
对于你的名字，从今不会再提起
不再让悲伤，将我心占据

让它随风去，让它无痕迹
所有快乐悲伤，所有过去，通通都抛去
心中想的，念的，盼的，望的，不会再是你
不愿再承受，要把你忘记

我会擦去我不小心滴下的泪水
还会装做一切都无所谓
将你和我的爱情全部敲碎
再将它通通赶出我受伤的心扉

不愿再承受，要把你忘记
不愿再承受，我把你忘记
你会看见的，把你忘记

我想到了一个忘记温柔的你的方法：
我不要再想你，不要再爱你
不会再提起，我的生命中，不曾有你

Smile =)
3:55 PM

Thursday, April 02, 2009

♥

缺席 -黄靖伦

爱只剩下躯壳

为什么还不放手却拉扯

是我不甘心还是不舍

为何我还在固执的拔河

爱是不是都一样

无论多漫长终究曲终人散

可是我不想因为不敢却步沮丧

然后半途收场

其实我真的很难过

只是难过都沦为沉默

可能我真的不懂得让你更快乐

我想和你在一起却在你未来缺席

给你的爱那些美丽

已长成藤蔓缠着我的生命

在你的未来缺席

像是一出剧本未完待续

预留伏笔把未完成从容继续

如果还有如果就算瞬间老去毫不犹豫

能不能将你的样子忘掉

舍不舍得爱让我控制不了

只想要把你拥抱

其实爱上一个人没有解药

我的静脉流着爱陪你到老

原来我还会微笑

Smile =)
3:27 PM